I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
