I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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