oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
