You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
