What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
