never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
