There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
