I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
