just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
