Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
