420 ftw
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
