She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
