i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
