This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
