if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
