Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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