Dual....:-)
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
