party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
