Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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