I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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