I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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