why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
