my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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