You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
