My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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