i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
