Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize