we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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