I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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