This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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