It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
