sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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