so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
