Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
