Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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