What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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