even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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