the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
