My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Less talking, more tequila
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My feet surprised me
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