i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
