so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
pray to the hookup gods
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
