I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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