I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
