after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
