I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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