tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
