Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
