I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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