When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
