I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
